Tuesday, January 24, 2017

I'm sad. 😕

Because I feel empty, and I struggle with this a lot. 
I don't know what it's going to take, but I am never really happy. 
I just feel empty, like there's nothing I can do to make myself happy. 
Ughhhhhh. It's annoying. 
And it's even more annoying because I think it all boils down to the fact that I'm not, and haven't been in a relationship! 
Like what is it about me that people don't love/can't overlook?? 
I don't understand how people who are (in my opinion) more unattractive than me, don't have things going for themselves and don't have a dollar to their name can be in a relationship and not me! 
It makes me feel bad, because I can't pinpoint what it is. If I could I would change it in a heartbeat! 
I'm just always out and looking to be fulfilled by enjoyment with the people I'm with and it doesn't work.

Today I went to taco Tuesday with the VA Wave and there was this guy there, I met him at a kickback on Saturday and thought he was cute but he didn't pay me any mind so I was like "ok, I'm not his type. I'll leave it alone." Then I see him today, I don't try to speak to him cause why?? Lol. He was nice to me on Saturday but I wanted to play distant. So I didn't speak to him until we left and some of us headed over to spider Kelly's. We conversed. And he gave me compliments, I didn't show him any interest because at this point I'm playing the game. Lololololol. He asked for a hug, I denied it. He gave me a compliment "you smell really good",  I gave him a lackluster thanks. It was when he hugged me from behind and laid his face on my hair, I knew I had him exactly where I wanted him. Lolololol. I had to play "hard to get". In reality I just push people away, cause I want to see if they can withstand my wahala. 
I'm funny like that, and then I complain about how no dudes like me. (Like me enough to pursue me for real). 


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