Sunday, April 20, 2014

The most frustrating part of my life is not being able to talk to anyone when I NEED to talk to someone. 
I had a panic attack today. 
I don't get them often, but my anxiety was building up.
Something didn't go my way and I started panicking, not like my usual, "I always get my way" type of shit either. It was important to me and I kept on getting disappointed today. And I was tired and I was annoyed.. 
I started panicking while I was driving.
I had to talk myself to a calm, (which is very difficult to do while you're having an attack.) 
It took awhile, the longest time it's ever lasted really. 
In the moment I felt so helpless; I was trying to control my breathing, calm myself down, focus on the road, reassure myself that I would find a solution to this. 
I wanted to talk to someone about it, but I don't have anyone to tell. 
No one to understand and sympathize with me. 
I've learned a lot about the world, humanity and myself over these past few years and about just as much that's changed, just as much has stayed the same...
I've learned the hard way not to put all of my eggs in one basket. 
I still don't trust anyone, and I can't confide in anyone.
But it's times like today where that shit bites me in the ass. 
It's frustrating.... it's always scary when I get panic or anxiety attacks, it always means besides the triggering event, there's something deeper that I'm not expressing or a problem I'm trying to avoid.
.... I've forgotten how much I enjoy blogging.
Goodnight. 

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