Wednesday, April 9, 2014

i remember the first time i fell in love.

...actually I remember my first heartbreak. 
I didn't even realize I was in love until the heartbreak. lol.
I chuckle about it now but it still hurts sometimes. hahaha.
I was in high school... living my life, being carefree..
somehow we found each other.
he taught me things, about the world, about myself, about guys....
then it all came crashing down.
I'm telling you looking back on it I went through a like mini depression.
I couldn't eat, I was quiet, I slept a lot so I didn't have to think about him, my stomach just turned at the thought of him... its crazy.
I never want to experience heartbreak again.
Its an indescribable pain that affected me emotionally, physically, and spiritually. 
like love at one moment can feel so good, like you're on an everlasting cloud 9 and then the next you just want to bury yourself in a hole because everything about you is hurt, your heart, your pride, your feelings, your ego..... 
I don't know how I got through it cause I was so young. 
Everyday, for weeks, it felt like an emotional roller coaster.
even till this day whenever I see him (which is very rarely), I just don't know what to do with myself!
I usually run in the other direction and hide, but then regret it later and wish I had spoke. lmao. real life.
its crazy cause I still I have love for him and hate him a little at the same time.
he broke my little heart.
whenever I think about it, those feelings resurface like it happened yesterday.
I tell everyone I'm over it but really how can you get over your first love?

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