i'm reading my old myspace messages, and first i was like "hahhaa this shit is so funny." then when me and my cousin started messaging... i'm sad. :/ we were so close... like he was kind of my best friend. i loved him like a bestfriend even though we were family. if that makes sense. i'm sad now. like from my messages, it kind of takes me back to that time.. ('07) fontane, cody, andranique, prince, jessica r. ... all these people i was super cool with. i can tell i was a happier person back then.. maybe its cause i was young, i mean i'm still kinda young though. but now everything about me is gaurded. i have walls up, i havent even realized when they were put into place. like this is crazyyyy. is this normal?? someone tell me... is it normal to be so uptight when it comes to trusting people?? i'm genuinely a happy person, i do what i want, i get what i need, i live life... i'm good in those aspects, but i will admit my one down fall is i cant trust another person to save my life. its gotten to a point where i withdraw from people i dont feel that i can gain/advance from, which is about 90% of the people i meet. sounds horrible to say but its true. i dont want ya'll to think i'm a miserable person, putting up this facade of being happy all the time... cause thats not the case trust me. i go through highs and lows like everyone else. i just dont know if not being able to trust other people is normal.. or common. not that type where you say, "i dont trust anybody" but deep in your heart you know you do have a few people you trust. i'm talking forreal i have no one i trust. maybe i'm paranoid... i've been through some stuff thats caused me to be this way but i do want to trust people, i sincerely do. i just cant. sighhh ill just finished reading the rest of these messages. ps. i used to claim prince as my godbrother. (barffffff) hahahhaa. smh. we were really cool though.
GOD<-- the way, the truth, && the light.
17. $$Money Hungry$$
SINGLE && READY TO MINGLE. =D
attending T-Rav. grrr. HOOPER at ♥<-- but in actuallity i can barely dribble.
very stubborn.<-- can't tell me nothing.
spoiled, yet grateful. JUMBO DOLLAR.
hustla<-- i can sell ..about.. anything.
SB dunks make me happy. :)
most people think i'm stuck up && i kinda am. (at first.)
my rap alter ego: Elizzy YO!<-- i spit that fiya. lol HOT && SPICYS<-- dolla menu.
hate people who flaunt their wealth.<-- mine speaks for itself. infatuated with babies.
females... tsk, tsk. why all the drama??
music might be your life, but singing is what i do. MICHEAL JACKSON♥<-- the truth. R.I.P 6/25/09
hate redoing my myspace!!!
believes that LOVE overcomes all.
truly believe that ..I'M.. GOD's gift to earth.<--HUMBLY.
the world needs love. love sweet love.
my old bio. i mean, a lot has changed, but this is me 100%. i'm lowkey embarrassed to put this up. hahahahaaa.
i never viewed life as a popularity contest.. only cause i know i'd lose. i'm just tryna live each day not messing anything up, hurting anyone's feelings and getting closer to my life's goals.... anyway, the allstar game estimated ticket prices dropped like last week. && when i saw them so did my face. lmao. but i've decided today i'm gonna go. its not so much i dont have the money for it, its i dont know if i want to spend that much money on 2 maybe 3 hours. like i keep going back && forth with myself, like is it really worth it.... i mean its not really once in a lifetime.. allstar weekend was here when i was like in 6th grade. so i know it'll come again eventually.. but the situation surrounding it... i'm young, i got the money for it, i have ample opportunity, like time permits... but again, they say if you cant purchase something 3 times you cant afford it. plus all my friends not talking about now since they know how much it costs. lmao. idk, hopefully, i can snag them within the hour they release cause if stubhub buys them all they'll sell them for twice as much and i'll be shit out of luck. lol. i'm gonna have to return my louboutins but them hoes were uncomfortable TAB anyway. its just so embarrassing returning them you know?? lol. oh well.
so tell me why i'm on facebook and then i run into my old chem tutor. omg he is sooooooooo fine. like zzamn zaddy. like i'm drooling right now! i used to go to the tutoring place where he worked, && act like i didnt get chemistry just so he could spend time with me. yes, it was that serious. yes, that does make me thirsty. ionnn currrrr! he's asian too. i want to have his babies. ahhhhh. i'm seriously drooling right now. ok not really, but you get my point. i'm so excited cause i looked for him on facebook, doing the school year, but he has like a common asain name, so i couldnt find him. but i ran into him today && THATS A SIGN FROM GOD ITS MEANT TO BE. like he's so perfect. ya'll he's so fine, && he has swag, && he has money. like once he accepts my friend request, i'm gonna ask him on a date. like i want to marry him. lol.
hi. i'm so bored. about to claw my eyes out. ...... left the house once today... only to withdraw some money from the bank, && deposit it into the secret bank account my parents dont know about. hahaa. no one understands why i do the stuff i do.. shit, sometimes i dont either. i spent all day today on twitter tweet peeping. like a fucking creep. all day. people i knew, people i dont know, just trying to live vicariously through them... does that make me lame?? no, but really though.... nevermind. i'm pretty sure it does. welp, oh well. lol. i'm ready to start school. not so much for the school part. but cause i get to move back into my apartment, && live however the fuck i want part. i got some stuff lined up this school year. i'm raising the bar on myself. i'm tryna outdo myself. i got a couple of things in the works.. but i'm keeping everyyyythinnnggggggg hush hush from now on. niggas just wanna see me fail. not cool. i have the bubbleguts. no seriuosly though. ive been working out all summer && i have loose skin.... yuck. i'm telling josh to get me a liposuction for my birthday. i havent even worn my louboutins yet. the moment just never came. sitting in my closet idle. but God is good. i dont say this enough but God is great. they say people can tell by your lifestyle if your a Christian or not. i mean, i'm not one to pass judgement but i wonder if people can tell about me.. i do wonder. alright... its enough.
today was a good day. went to crystal's baby shower today. it was fun. His name is gonna be Ezra, after me of course. as you can see i kind of splurged on my godson, but he has like 50 godmothers so i have to be the best! lmao. i cant wait till he's old enough for me to spoil. ^__^ it was so funny cause she kept eating everything, and she couldnt really walk far places. like around the table. hahahha. she got that pregnant girl glow. hahaha. thats my nigga.
i find it very offensive when people dont trust me. like very offensive. i do my best to be real with everyone, && i really do have good intentions toward everyone, so like when people dont trust me, i see that as a slap in my face, spitting on my kindness, && throwing away my generosity. i believe in karma, i believe whatever you sow, your reap. i rather send off positive energy into the world then lacing people up with negativity. not my style.. plus i'm too busy trying to live my life and have fun. honestly, i'm too worried about myself to be tryna screw anyone else over. maybe i put off an untrustworthy vibe.... i doubt it. lol. for the most part people trust me, or maybe i trust people too much... man idk... i'm just tryna do right by other people, hoping they'll do the same by me.
I asked my mom if we could get a dog she said no. -__-
i wish my apartment would allow dogs. like look at it!! Derrick said he would buy me a dog yesterday. but he was probably just talking... he better though. i be helping him cheat in physics! i wish someone would co own a dog with me. :/ he's soooooo cute. ahhh. i'm sad. i want a dog so bad.
about the upcoming school year, expectations, living, stuff like that.
as soon as i found out james was going to med school i was happy then i was like dangggggg.
med school is expensive, (its really not that bad though) but i was like dang.
2 kids in college, 1 in med school... their pockets gonna be light.
thats what i thought.
but this guy is tryna live in the med center where rent is absolutely ridiculous, to be close to his school, while i'm slumming it out in 3rd ward. -_____- once i heard "med center" i was like O_- to my daddy. then Josh said the craziest 5 words ever.... "money is not an issue." O_o whattttt?? yo when i heard that i was like fireworks started going off in my head. i mean i always knew that... but for him to say it aloud i was like hell yeaaaaaaaa. he said he "wouldnt even blink twice to write a check for James' tuition." O_o whatttttt?? ive always tried to be considerate you know?? like the rent at my apartment last year was $327, i didnt ask for money all the time, they bought me a mitsubushi for goodness sake! i'm over here thinking times are hard. smh. then Josh hit me with the "you know if you behaved better I would hesitate to spend on you." lmaooooo. I dont trip... its true though. I never complain. I mean I'm content, they give me enough, && I get what ever else I need but damnnnnnn. then I was thinking, girls always go after guys that are like their fathers. && I never thought that was true until yesterday... its gonna be hard to top my daddy. like veryyyyyyy hard.
its so weird cause i just feeling like this the other day!!! like its crazyyyyy, even laughable really.. but i have a fear that one will marry me. its a horrible anxiety i get even thinking about it! my parents met each other when they were 17 && have been together ever since... i'll be 21 in november && i have no prospects. i dont know man... on the cool i'm calmly flipping out just writing this. i know "i'm only 20.... i'm young.... my time will come..." i've heard it all before && then some but it still worries me from time to time. i really think i'm psychotic. i need to see a therapist.