Friday, November 25, 2011

i just feel like blahhhhhhhh.
the world is blahhhhhhhhh.
i wanna drink a blahhhhhh.
dont wanna deal with blahhhhh.....
i noticed this about myself..
some people smoke to escape from things.
some people drink to escape from things.
some prostitute, use other drugs, cut themselves.
but me, i sleep.
the only time where my mind cant conscious think for me.
i escape feelings, people, places... problems.
by just sleeping.
granted, they're still there when i wake up, 
but i can either choose to deal with them or go back to sleep until i'm ready too.
i mean, i dont sleep all day or nothing..
but when i really wanna avoid something, "escape" someone or something i'll just go to sleep.
i think it first started when Tobi died.
i literally slept for days. 
woke up, went to school, came back home && slept.
naturally that was a hard time for us.. but i didnt really know how to mourn..
i didnt wanna think about it, didnt want to cry, so i just slept.
a lot.. didnt wanna think about May 15th, didnt wanna think about my prom experience.
just wanted to forget everything.
....funny thing is, when i was at PV most of my time there was spent sleeping.