Wednesday, November 30, 2011

people still charging me up about "not fucking with them anymore."
-_______-
how many times do i have to explain this people??
i dont fuck with ANYONE anymore, like what so ever at all.
i'll only fuck with people when i need something from them.
but i hate that too, so i just dont fuck with people at all.
nothing person, i just dont have trust in humanity.
i rather be alone && boring, then hurt && depressed.
its time i put myself first. meaning there's no space for anyone else.
i dont understand why people care so much anyways..
if you text me, i'll text you back, i'll hold a conversation, i'll exchange pleasantries...
but as for me hitting up people for one reason or another, dont count on it.



Tuesday, November 29, 2011

O_O


besides the fact that he looks amazing, he has dreds. *faints*

i know i said i wouldnt, but i caved. :/.... ^____^

itsTrixieB.tumblr.com

Saturday, November 26, 2011

"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.” - Frank Sinatra

the worst feeling in the world.

i feel like i've lost myself && i couldnt even begin to explain why..
mostly cause i dont even know.
its just a feeling.
maybe cause my life is boring now.
maybe cause last year was so epic for me.
experience wise.
i mean i've had some great experiences this year but i still feel empty.
i dont care about all that stuff. 
i'm at peace... maybe this is what this feeling is.
idk, i wouldnt know.
im not struggling or fighting for anything..
its so unfulfilling.
i dont even know what i'm talking about right now. lol.
but i'm ready for whatever's next.

Friday, November 25, 2011

i just feel like blahhhhhhhh.
the world is blahhhhhhhhh.
i wanna drink a blahhhhhh.
dont wanna deal with blahhhhh.....
i noticed this about myself..
some people smoke to escape from things.
some people drink to escape from things.
some prostitute, use other drugs, cut themselves.
but me, i sleep.
the only time where my mind cant conscious think for me.
i escape feelings, people, places... problems.
by just sleeping.
granted, they're still there when i wake up, 
but i can either choose to deal with them or go back to sleep until i'm ready too.
i mean, i dont sleep all day or nothing..
but when i really wanna avoid something, "escape" someone or something i'll just go to sleep.
i think it first started when Tobi died.
i literally slept for days. 
woke up, went to school, came back home && slept.
naturally that was a hard time for us.. but i didnt really know how to mourn..
i didnt wanna think about it, didnt want to cry, so i just slept.
a lot.. didnt wanna think about May 15th, didnt wanna think about my prom experience.
just wanted to forget everything.
....funny thing is, when i was at PV most of my time there was spent sleeping.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

just joined team iphone. 
you seriously cant tell me nothing. ^___^
oh yea, i need to upload my Rick Ross concert pics.
i will, i'm just lazy!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Sunday, November 20, 2011

My PV Homecoming experience.

i'd rate it a out of 4 out of 10.
dont get me wrong, all the parties were liveeeeeee, liver than live, exponentially live!
but i just couldnt enjoy myself because of the people i was surrounded by.
which in itself was tragic.
most of the time i spent there, i was at the events one deep, it never stopped me from having fun, but i couldnt really enjoy myself cause i was by myself.
like it was just a very annoying experience, because every single day, every event they had had the potential to be epic.
smh. 
i should have really thought twice about going when jojo said she couldnt come anymore, but i can never turn down a road trip, especially when i wasnt having to a lot of spend money.
but they always say, "you dont really know someone until you work, live, or go on a vacation with them."
hahhaa. something like that.
mannnnnn, boys was acting allllllll the way brand new, like on some schizophrenic shit.
honestly i was ready to leave on friday, but no one was going back to houston.
aint no reason to stay in PV feeling tortured until sunday.
every single day, i was pissed off for one reason or another, all legitimate reasons.

i didnt even take any pictures of us, just the rick ross concert. like you know i had a horrible time if i didnt snap not one picture!

i was just soooooo over it.
i called up camiron, taped a note to the apartment door && left last night/early this morning, shoutout to killa cami c.
but i will be back next year with jojo, shelli && bria, PV did show me a good time. ; ))
i realized its never where you go, it all depends on who you go with,
like in my occupation, being a TRILL OG BOSS, well just being me, i always try to make the best out of every situation.
i mean complaining can only get you so far.. i could serioiusly be stuck in the woods with my girls, && we'd have the best time just doing nothing, enjoying each other's company.
sighhhhhhh*
it was just a eye opening experience, you never really know somebody, until you know somebody.
eyes closed..
head bowed,
fingers interlaced on my lap.
i spent this morning in church,
&& the first thing i said was "Lord, save my from myself.

my life.

a series of unfortunate events is an understatement.


....i'll elaborate later.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I don’t give a fuck. I want to move through life in the most non-confrontational way possible, but I’m not a pussy. Don’t ever get that mixed up.” - Drake.

Monday, November 14, 2011

If you thought this weekend looked fun...

me jojo && laura, are mobbing to PV's homecoming on thursday till sunday.
probably wont even have nothing to blog about though....
 i plan on being wasted the whole time. ; ))

Shout out to Alvin.
he MADE me shout out his clothing line.
but it is kinda dope so check it out.

marry meeeeeee.


Saturday, November 12, 2011

today's just begun....



















happy birthday to me!

Friday, November 11, 2011

birthday wishes answered...

going to Galveston tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

another video i made yesterday! Whats in my bag! ^__^

you can tell i'm always on youtube. lol. got this idea from one of my subscribers. dont judge me.

i feel like i need to make a PSA.

i'm very private with relationships.
my business is my business && i dont like people in my business.
i see how people might be curious though.
but... *clears throat* i've had 3 serious boyfriends in my life. && plenty of "time fillers."
been in love with all 3 of them. 
planned on marrying 2 of them.
....still plan on marrying one of them. hahaha. maybe. if he get his shit together.
so yea, i have been in love, && yea, i have had boyfriends before.
just for the record. 

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

i like to blowwwwwwwww... my new horn! lol.


dont mind me, i look really rough, i was getting ready for school. hahha.
didnt want to blog about this but i will.
so Conrad Murray, Michael Jackson's former doctor, the one that administered him the drug that killed him, was convicted yesterday.
i feel bad for him, cause honestly i dont think it was intentional.
i mean, ya'll know i love Michael && all, but he wouldnt have wanted all this.
i just feel bad for him.
i feel like they need someone to blame && he's the perfect scapegoat.
or maybe i'm just crazy... i dont know...

Monday, November 7, 2011

this time its STRICTLY business.

Fucking with Prince part 2: Christmas Break Edition.


already set my plan in motion...
be on the lookout.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Take Care nigggaaaaassssss!

i'm not even gonna lie... i'm kinda ashamed of myself too.
but i'm listening to the leaked Drake album right now. :/
its so gooddddddddd.
i'm only on the second track right now. 
but the first 2 are really good!
i'm still gonna buy it dont get me wrong, but i just cant have people jamming this before i do you know??
lol. i'm petty.
its so good. 
i love Drake.

Be Blessed.

OMGG!!!!!!!!

i was tumblr surfing && i saw my picture on this tumblr!!!!
well this was like 2 days ago, but i just remembered now.
man i was tryna copy && paste the link but i was in csite && i dont know how to copy && paste on a mac.
OMG!
i literally screamed. hahahaa.
i'm gonna try to find the link.
man, lowkey i want a tumblr, but i promised to never betray blogspot like that. lol.
its just cool to see yourself on tumblr when your not expecting it at all.
^___^ this picture^

lol. cute.


Saturday, November 5, 2011

dream big.


man i got mad love for my mom.
she came through the crib today slanging groceries && stuff.
I guess i dont say it enough but i really do love my mom.
she's the only one that has my back 1,000%.
even my dad dont have my back like that. 
but my mom is ride or die.
i was talking to her the other && she gave me the realest advice i've ever heard.
i was telling her about a situation where somebody did me wrong && i didnt wanna use my resources to help them out...
she was like "dont do an 'eye for an eye'."
&& i've heard that phrase before, but when she said it. it really resonated.
i can be am very spiteful at times.
but if you do good things to other people && they dont return the favor, it does make your good works any less good.. 
i dont know... it was like my ears, connected to my brain, for once, && understood everything.

Friday, November 4, 2011

dont tease me..


sebi??

i almost broke down today... almost.
i need to get some stuff off my chest.
if you couldn't tell its been taking a toll on me && making me very sad && unhappy.
i'm not a big fan of confrontation but i aint never been too shy to say what was on my mind.
its just sad that it has to come to this. 
but i know where my loyalties lie, && i now know where yours do too.
i gotta stop ignoring your true colors when you've showed them to me time && time again.
 well that it is what it is...

the love of my life.


it doesnt take much to please me.
i get fascinated by the smallest things.
i'm a true believer of "its the thought that counts."
its the little things that mature to me most.
i dont a need "grand gesture".. but i wouldnt oppose one. lol.
i just want to be happy all the time.
...every single second of my life.
it shouldn't be any other way.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

i'm supposed to be writing a paper right now... but i have a lot on my mind...
sigh*
hopefully i'll get done sometime today, so i can blog about it...
but i doubt that'll happen.
sighhhhhhhh*
mmk, wellll... off i go..

"..i dont care what people say, they're probably lonely anyways.."

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

a girl can only dream...

...one day.

birthday in 12 days....

is it bad that i'm more excited to cop the Drake album on the 15th than my birthday on the 12th?? 
hahahhaa. cause i am. i'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited to hear it!
plus i've never made a big deal about my birthdays, they've always sucked anyway.
i'd rather just be alone, lounging by the pool, listening to Michael Jackson.
that'd actually be the perfect day for me.
but anyway, i've been waiting foreverrrrr for my future baby daddy Drake to drop this album.
i'm not even gonna download it!
ohkay well i might, just to put it on my phone but i'm still gonna buy it! lol.
i got see all the album pictures && see his dedication to me. cause i know its gonna be there. 
just watch! ^__^
there's only one person in the world i want to talk to right now.
he probably thinks i hate him.
i used to.
...i used to resent him.
but then again, i resent everyone eventually.....
well, everyone that doesnt appreciate me.
i miss him terribly.
but i pushed him away, many times.
i just wanna spend hours on the phone with him talking about nothing.
.. like with me it always gets to a point where after people piss me off i just cut them off.
they're dead to me, i ignore their calls/texts, all their gestures, etc.. 
but then like after a while.. a long ass while.. i get over it, but by then i've pushed the person so far, like to a point of no return. 
its a very viscous cycle.
i miss him so much. a lot.
no one to blame but myself, but sometimes he can be an inconsiderate selfish asshole.
but we're family && i love him.
i'll make an effort to see him if he comes back over Christmas Break.