i know its natural, && i know its bound to happen..
but i HATE it.
its hate && fear, anxiousness && resentment all rolled into one...
when i was younger i used to think i was invincible..
nothing could stop me, nothing could stand in my way...
actually i still kind of think that now but i'm much wiser.
when Tobi died it was like. whooshhhhhh!
like in the movies when a tornado hits && everyone spins around && everything is wiped out...
its kind of a bad analogy but thats the only way i could think of to describe it.
i blamed myself a little bit.. not for his death but because i was guilty of SOO many other things..
took me a long time to come to terms with it...
&& still to this day i'm just "ok" with it.
then Bird died just recently..
i took it a little better cause we werent that close but i was still pretty shaken up by it.
sometimes when i'm with my friends i always wonder what i would do if they died.
it always makes me sick to my stomach, but i feel like i'm preparing myself for the worst..i'm not afraid of death, i'm terrified of how death affects others.