Thursday, June 24, 2010

i wanna blow my brains out.

i know this sounds odd,
but i wish i had someone to cry to.
i'm just in one of those moods...
idk mannnn, its like my life.
this crap aint breezy.
they wont buy me a car, wont let me go out, dont want me to have friends, dont give me money, talk PLENTY of shit about everyyyyything i do && expect me to be satisfied & obey them.
its really getting to me now.
i'm 18!!!
like 18 years old && i cant even stay out past 9.
(well, i do but thats what the say.)
i have no freedom, which equals no life.
its really sad mannnn, in 2 months i'll be going off to college.
i'm happy && scared at the same time.
i know myself, i know what i'm capable of && what i'm not capable of.
self control isn't one of my strong points. lol.
i'm gonna lie, when i get out, once every blue moon, i tend to let loose.
(not in a good way.)
i realize that && it scares me cause there are so much things i could get into when i get to college.
as long as i dont get pregnant or flunk out i'm cool.
i'll try my best to keep my self control.
i loveeeeeee how my parents lived my life instead for me. smh.
now i'm going out on my own... i'm not even gonna know what to do.
i've had to rely on everyone around me to help me do things && go places.
but we're all going different places. like ya'll dont understand...
i cant explain it... if you know me you'd know my situation.
i have to rely on aj, dami, tina or people i dont even like to take me places.
like you know your life is eff up when you have to call someone you cant stand to give you a ride. smh.
all of them are younger than me && i have to call them for rides!
i hate that, i cant even be independent.
when i was going through my prostitute stage it was even worseeeeeee!
i was dependent on everyone else around me only cause i HAD to.
&& its not even like my parents are strapped for cash!
they just bought a new benz. -_-
James is in Cali && his car is just taking up space in garage.
like what sense does that make?!
anyway thinking about all these things make me sad.. && i want to cry.
i'm longgg over due for a cry session.
just no one to cry to..

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