Wednesday, June 9, 2010


where do i even begin??
let me just list some songs to give you an idea...

they dont know -Jon B.
just a friend -Mario
love lost -Trey Songz
weak -SWV
the way you make me feel -Micheal Jackson
you make me wanna -Usher
torn -Letoya Luckett
lovers && friends -usher
i need you bad && i bust the windows out your car -Jasmine Sullivan
i hate you -Z'Ro
never can say goodbye -Jackson5

the list goes on && on && onnnn but i'll leave it at that.
soooo.... he made me cry.
&& i'm superrr weak for that, but i cant control my emotions anymore.
for a day i was sad, mad, angry. just all over the place... smh.
only my trueee readers know whom i'm reffering to && our relationship.
sooo... its been months.
over 3 months since we've talked.
we used to talk every single day. all day.
he used to take me places && i used to buy him things.
he was my "best friend."
then the best friend curse took its toll. smh.
everytime i call someone my best friend we end up hating each other.
but thats neither here nor there...
i dont even remember how we stopped talking.
i got mad at him for something... idk.
&& you know i be holding grudges...
so a few weeks went by and i got over it, i missed him. ALOT!
i tried to make it right, i swear i did.
but he never responded... after that day i gave up.
i mean in a few months he's headed to NJ && i'd probably never see him again so whats the point??
ohhhhhhh! i remember why i got mad at him!!!!
&& it was a very valid reason. smh.
but anyway.. time passed && i was missing my best friend.
there's so much stuff you could tell a dude over a girl.
i picked up my phone soooo many times to text him.
but i never sent anything, after a while i deleted his number so i wasnt tempted.
i was waiting for him to make a move, i already tried so it was his turn next.
weeks passed && school was about to be out.
&& i'm thinking to myself, "this nigga is gonna leave without saying bye to me."
so i had my ace, dami, text him, ever so causally. ahahha.
smh. he's so stubborn, he wanted MEEEE to text him.
-_- helllllllllll no. i didnt do it. he should be the one to text me.
fast forward to graduation.
he tried to talk to me. hahahha.
i didnt say a word! i played him, i'm not gonna lie.
but i planned on talking to him after... i didnt see him.
i told papa to tell him to text me by sunday...
sunday came && went.. no Faggbot.
&& i didnt even know that i would need him sunday, alot of stuff went down && i actually needed him.
&& he was no where to be found. smh.
monday comes, i was fed up && heateddddddd.
so i did it.
i texted him. 5 pages.
we went back && forth just arguing.
i was going SUPER fed on him. lol. i didnt realize i was that mad!
he's the easy going type && doesnt get angry very often but i made him mad.
he was cursing at me. he doesnt curse, he hates when it I curse. lol.
i let it all out, i didnt hold anything back.
i'm pretty sure i hurt his feelings. lol.
he hurt mine too.
i told him he was despicable && a bitch ass person. along with other things.
that has to be the first time i let someone know exactly what i'm feeling.
i told him everything, && dont regret it one bit.
but anyway we solved absolutely nothing... he blamed me, while i blamed him.
i dont really know what i expected the outcome to be...
i just had to get everything off my chest.
i told him he didnt care about me cause he would been have tried to talk to me.
his response was wackkkkk && that let me know that we were done.
*shoulder shrug*
i should have ended it, "i hope you tear you fucking acl! have a good life you tall bastard."
ahahahhaa. that cracked me up.
i dont mean that in the least bit, but i'd still say it. lol.
sigh* he made me sad... && when i'm sad i get angry.
idk why, it justs happens like that.
anyway i'm done, i still cant believe it all went down like that but i still love the dude...
i'm just not gonna wait for him any longer.
he'll come around when he's ready && if he doesnt well... *shoulder shrug*

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