Sunday, May 23, 2010

yesterday was the worst/hardest/saddest day of my life.

yesterday we laid Tobi Oyedeji to rest.
wow. i'd never thought i'd see the day. honestly.
it was a very sad, yet beautiful thing.
me && james arrived early && the church was like half way full.
before i even entered it i started crying, being in that place surrounded by all those heartbroken people was notttt a good feeling.
that was my first && last funeral, i just couldnt take it. smh.
but the preacher did give a very good word. a veryyyyy good word.
i need to find which church he preaches at && go there.
i knew that we needed to rejoice but the music && the pictures, within our whole surrounding.. i just couldnt.
i cried like a baby, i'm not gonna lie, i cried && cried && cried.
its hard, && it hits me in my soul because that honestly couldve been me on prom night.
smh.
by time the church service was over i had stop crying.
then i saw my mom... oh lord.
she was bawling her eyes out.
 i'm not used to her you know really crying like that so it brought tears to my eyes too.
i couldnt live with myself if i'd ever put her through something like that.
my dad was embarrassed he was like james, take her home. lol.
so we walked to the gravesite... i thought i was done crying, but it hit me again.
he's gone, he's really gone.
his parents didnt even come out to the gravesite, smh.
i couldnt even look at the coffin, i wouldnt let myself.
its still all too unreal to me, smh.
&& after it was done, i guess its like ritual to throw dirt on his coffin when he's in the ground.
&& i just stood back, watched && cried.
smh. it was the saddest day of my life... it was so hard to watch that.
now, everytime i close my eyes thats all i see.
the images of people throwing dirt on my cousin.
it doesnt haunt me, it just reminds me how precious life is.
smh, Tobi was God's sacrificial lamb && i'm not gonna let Tobi's life && death be in vein.
i really decided to fight in this Christian race, cause its not how well you start, but how well you finish.
&& its not how long you live, but how well you live.
Ball in Paradise Big Man.

#shoutouts to everyone who attend the funeral, i even saw Hakeem Olajuwon there.
now you know your a pretty big deal when Hakeem Olajuwon shows up to your funeral!
there was so much love there, people that didnt even know him came && cried like the rest of us.
... I wonder if Tobi knew how much he would impact the world.
could you imagine living your life, doing what you do, not realizing the affect you'd have on the whole world??
like that just baffles me.
people that dont even know you, cried for you...
man, we lost a good one.

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