Tuesday, May 18, 2010

yeaterday had to be the hardest day of my life.

yesterday i LOST it. i was trying to be strong && hold my emotions in but every small thing just reminded me of Tobi.
i went to school, practically cried through the whole day.
i wasnt trying to draw attention, i just couldnt believe what happened to him.
how it happened && when it happened.
i've never had someone close to me die, i couldnt do anything but cry.
i dont know how the tears came, they'd just show up && i'd have to take a minute for myself.
i was so sad, still in mourning over our loss.
i couldnt understand how God would choose him.
out of everyone in this whole entire world... all the drugdealers, gang bangers, baby daddies, flunkies...
out of all those negative people i could understand how God choose Tobi.
he had SOOOOO much to live for, his life was supposed to be set.
smh. like i didnt get that at all.
but had a chat w/ kenny. she could see i was down && called me to talk it out && cheer me up.
i cried, she cried... sigh... its just so shocking.
but she made me realized alot of things.
1. crying is not gonna bring him back to earth, the collective tears that everyone has shed will NOT bring Tobi back to this world.
2. God will never take someone before their purpose on earth is fulfilled. && Tobi's purpose was fulfilled.
think about it, he accomplished alot of things in his short 17 years, more than people of old age do in their lifetime.
3. God has a plan, i truly believe he used Tobi to show the world that he ain't a picky choosy kind of person. When your time is up, your time is up. Tobi's death made me realize that i need to get my life right with God cause my day could be ANY day.

my dad says we shouldnt cry for people who are saved, because we know there in Heaven sitting right next to God. its the people that are not saved we should cry for because we know where they'll end up.
I cried my last cry yesterday... && i'm done crying.
i've never ever cried so much for anyone other than myself, than i have yesterday.
i'm not gonna mourn his death anymore... he lived a good, very blessed life.
but at the end of the day God is God, && he never fails..

Tobi you'll never know how much you've impacted my life. i dont even know what to say to you...
but dont worry, i wanna see you again, i'm getting my life straight && one day we'll meet up on the courts.
lol. maybe you could show me a little something something. actually make that ALOT of something, something,
i'm gonna keep your dream alive.. && i'm gonna make sure your parents are alright.
they blame themselves you know.. but dont worry, i'll console them. theres not much i can say but i'll show them with my life. uncle michael is being strong for everyone, but your mom is taking it much harder. you should visit her. let her know that your alright. David came to school today, he seemed fine. it almost brought tears to my eyes, i know ya'll were really close. but the Ikpo's are taking it the hardest. smh, ya'll were like the 3 stooges, you should visit them too. there's not much you can say to me... God already put peace in my heart. till i see you again...

No comments:

Post a Comment