Sunday, May 30, 2010

wow... lol.

that has to be the longest blog i've ever written.

last night/this morning was crazyyyyy!!!!

ahahahah. so i went to prom  last night.
i couldnt go to mine, so i went to bush's.
i'm not even gonna lie, it was SUPERRRR buck.
lol. i knew it would be though.. && dj chose was killing it.
smh, crazzzy night.
like i wish i could rewind seriously.
first siera, charissee, janelle, tina, and d. billy came to help us get ready..
so we were wating for like everrrr for seyi to come we finally left around 9:30.
when we got there everyone was like arriving and stuff.
i hit that dance floor hard!!
dami && seyi are like the lamest people ever, they just stood on the dance watching other people.
i was like wtf?? you came to prom to watch other people dance.
they sucked the fun out of me, lol.
thank God aj was there. we were jigginnnn! && eating.
i swear they had some good food. lol.
all the bush people were so buck, especially "da crew." i'm not gonna lie they kinda made the prom.
i actually rolled up Ogbon! #YIKES!
the one person swore i was not even go around. lol.
&& the boys kept making of me for it after.
yvonne said i was "a loose african!"
everyone was cool, i just wish most of my friends were there.
prom was crunk but after prom was so much funner.
we planned on going to the after parties, but we couldnt find the hastings one.
so everyone decided to go to B's house it was maddd people there.
sexy uncle syd came!!! with crystal.
they rolled up a "reggie" that thing was huge!!! lol.
everybody was taking a hit off that thing, lol.
it was a few of their first time so they were coughing && spitting it back up. lol.
but i say no to drugs. smoking is such a disgusting habit.
i was tryna get drunk like the wholeeee night!
B didnt have alcohol in his house, i was kinda pissed at that.
but everybody kept talking about this mexican party....

^ thats where i left off. 5/16/10.
lets see if i remember everything...
so everyone kept talking about this mexican drinking party in mission bend.
so eventually everyone got bored && we hopped in ogbon's car && headed to the party.
when i say ogbon cant drive. this dude cannot drive.
like he was tryna swang.
but he's so stupid, when you swang your supposed to go slow.
this dude was turning that wheel super hard && fast && bolade was high.
lol. he was like "ehhhh, swang this shit. swang this shit!!!"
&& that retard actually swang that the car.
like this is a HUGE nissan armada, with 7 people in the car.
like how dumb can this nigga be?!
at the moment it was fun, but the next morning after i heard about Tobi, i just broke down.
cant even look at Ogbon anymore, that kid played with my life.
i know its harsh but i cant let myself forgive him for that.
i could've died that night. smh. but instead it was Tobi.
it might not sound that crucial, but ya'll werent in that car. smh.
you know how when people just get their car, or its their first time out by themselves they act a little crazy trying to show off && stuff.
i dont even know why i got in that damn car, but dont worry i blame myself.
i felt soooo guilty after that.
but anyway back to prom night...
so we hit up the mexican party.
like when i say that mug was packed, that mug was superrrr packed.
everybody was drunk. we didnt even get inside cause they started charging $5.
but i saw one of my friends there && he was WASTEDDDDD.
like couldnt even stand.
i was excited cause i was tryna get drunk all night!!!
but we couldnt get in so we left the party was basically over && people were leaving.
they had to carry this girl out of the house cause she was doneeeeee.
so as we were leaving Obgon hit this mexican guy's car.
what!!!! we got so scared, Ogbon just sped off.
like this dude is so stupid. ughhhhh!!!
so everyone in the car was yelling && screaming cause mexicans are crazy.
we were speeding trying to lose them && went into 2 different neighborhoods.
mind you this is like after 3 in the morning.
we went back to B's house && everyone chilled.
it was super fun. i'm not gonna lie i had a good time.
but looking back on it now... all i think about is how i didnt die && Tobi did.
smh... that overshadows my whole prom experience.
i put my life in Obgon's hands... that dude just isnt serious.
i'm just so disgusted by him...
&& that's about it.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Travis McCoy.

so, my aunt came through.

hmmm. i can actually wear this shirt && think about him without crying.
thought that day would never come, but i'm good.
my aunt, (his aunt) got my family shirts.
i was super excited cause they were all sold out && i really wasnt expecting it. 
but i'm glad i got one... i gave one to Papa too.
smh... the things i do for that kid.
whether he realizes it or not, he's gonna miss me when i leave Travis.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

i might say i dont care.

but you can tell that it bothers me or i wouldnt write about it.
but once again,
ehhhh. *shoulder shrug*

my eye hurts.

life is getting better.
just living one day at a time.
i've honestly changed my ways.
a lot of them.
life is just...
well, my eyes have recently been opened to life.
we just go day to day living, not really realizing that we're living.
you feel me??
i dont know how to elaborate.
but i do know that my time on earth is not guaranteed.
wowwww....
this post just made a u-ie. lol.
i swear i meant to blog about something else.
dang, i forgot.
&& my eye hurts.
its really puffy && red cause my contacts are irritated.
i started reading my bible now before i go to bed...
i mean its a start.
oh... yea, i remember what i wanted to say...
Tear didnt text me all day today cause i got an attitude with him last night...
ehhhh. *shoulder shrug*

today was a good day.

Monday, May 24, 2010

my blog is too sad to read.

i usually always read it after i make a post to spell check && whatnot...
but i havent recently...
i know the posts i've written in the past few days.
nothing i really wanna go over..
i will eventually, its inevitable.
goodnight.

ehhhhh. *shoulder shrug*

tonia && Drake are like the only people that blog anymore.

p.s. tonia is a lousy texter. #thatisall.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

yesterday was the worst/hardest/saddest day of my life.

yesterday we laid Tobi Oyedeji to rest.
wow. i'd never thought i'd see the day. honestly.
it was a very sad, yet beautiful thing.
me && james arrived early && the church was like half way full.
before i even entered it i started crying, being in that place surrounded by all those heartbroken people was notttt a good feeling.
that was my first && last funeral, i just couldnt take it. smh.
but the preacher did give a very good word. a veryyyyy good word.
i need to find which church he preaches at && go there.
i knew that we needed to rejoice but the music && the pictures, within our whole surrounding.. i just couldnt.
i cried like a baby, i'm not gonna lie, i cried && cried && cried.
its hard, && it hits me in my soul because that honestly couldve been me on prom night.
smh.
by time the church service was over i had stop crying.
then i saw my mom... oh lord.
she was bawling her eyes out.
 i'm not used to her you know really crying like that so it brought tears to my eyes too.
i couldnt live with myself if i'd ever put her through something like that.
my dad was embarrassed he was like james, take her home. lol.
so we walked to the gravesite... i thought i was done crying, but it hit me again.
he's gone, he's really gone.
his parents didnt even come out to the gravesite, smh.
i couldnt even look at the coffin, i wouldnt let myself.
its still all too unreal to me, smh.
&& after it was done, i guess its like ritual to throw dirt on his coffin when he's in the ground.
&& i just stood back, watched && cried.
smh. it was the saddest day of my life... it was so hard to watch that.
now, everytime i close my eyes thats all i see.
the images of people throwing dirt on my cousin.
it doesnt haunt me, it just reminds me how precious life is.
smh, Tobi was God's sacrificial lamb && i'm not gonna let Tobi's life && death be in vein.
i really decided to fight in this Christian race, cause its not how well you start, but how well you finish.
&& its not how long you live, but how well you live.
Ball in Paradise Big Man.

#shoutouts to everyone who attend the funeral, i even saw Hakeem Olajuwon there.
now you know your a pretty big deal when Hakeem Olajuwon shows up to your funeral!
there was so much love there, people that didnt even know him came && cried like the rest of us.
... I wonder if Tobi knew how much he would impact the world.
could you imagine living your life, doing what you do, not realizing the affect you'd have on the whole world??
like that just baffles me.
people that dont even know you, cried for you...
man, we lost a good one.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

i cant lie..

my heart is heavy... still full of sorrow.
everyday it gets a little better, but i see something dedicated to you && inside i just break down...
lol. i havent cried since tuesday, but writing this post is making me tear up as we speak.
mannnn, it still so unreal. i'm trying to be strong but my heart is sooo heavy.
still aching for you.
your birthday is tomorrow!!!
you would've been 18. lol.
you looked about 25 though. ahahahha.
as you can see i'm taking your death pretty bad.. smh.
sighhhhh.
its all too much for me, you know??
me && james tried to go the game yesterday.
well we went but couldnt get in!!!
it was SUPERRRRR packed.
we came at like 7:25 && they shut that thing down, wasnt letting no one in.
not even your coach, smh.
but we waited. half of the people that were there didnt even deserve to be there!!!
at the last minute, i snuck in when the police werent looking. lol.
but by time i got in everything was over, they were just doing grace.
but i felt you, in the presence of all your fans, teammates, && friends.
you probably wouldnt even believe how much love everyone showed.
i tried to buy a shirt but they sold out by time i got in! they said they sold all 700 shirts.
i'm still gonna try to get one though.
your friends from Bellaire are doing big things for you.
it even surprised me when i thought about how quick they are putting everything together && grinding tryna get money for your parents.
i wish i had some friends like yours. lol.
you'll always be in my heart... happy early birthday Big Man.
p.s. i'm gonna try && keep it together. i promise.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

benefit game for Tobi.

so today's there's gonna be a basketball game held in Tobi's honor at Del Mar stadium.
me && james are going...
i feel kinda funny though... like i know i'm gonna cry, there's no doubt in my mind.
i just dont wanna get there && see people disrespecting him, you know??
but i'm going to support my cousin, i'm not worried about anyone else.
goshhhh, this is hard. like un-write-ably hard.
this shouldn't be a who's who of Houston or another gathering of teens.
i mean i know its a basketball game, but i just dont want everyone to forget who && what they came for.
... i'm gonna do my best to keep it together. i promise, it gonna be hard though.
its gonna be hard.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

yeaterday had to be the hardest day of my life.

yesterday i LOST it. i was trying to be strong && hold my emotions in but every small thing just reminded me of Tobi.
i went to school, practically cried through the whole day.
i wasnt trying to draw attention, i just couldnt believe what happened to him.
how it happened && when it happened.
i've never had someone close to me die, i couldnt do anything but cry.
i dont know how the tears came, they'd just show up && i'd have to take a minute for myself.
i was so sad, still in mourning over our loss.
i couldnt understand how God would choose him.
out of everyone in this whole entire world... all the drugdealers, gang bangers, baby daddies, flunkies...
out of all those negative people i could understand how God choose Tobi.
he had SOOOOO much to live for, his life was supposed to be set.
smh. like i didnt get that at all.
but had a chat w/ kenny. she could see i was down && called me to talk it out && cheer me up.
i cried, she cried... sigh... its just so shocking.
but she made me realized alot of things.
1. crying is not gonna bring him back to earth, the collective tears that everyone has shed will NOT bring Tobi back to this world.
2. God will never take someone before their purpose on earth is fulfilled. && Tobi's purpose was fulfilled.
think about it, he accomplished alot of things in his short 17 years, more than people of old age do in their lifetime.
3. God has a plan, i truly believe he used Tobi to show the world that he ain't a picky choosy kind of person. When your time is up, your time is up. Tobi's death made me realize that i need to get my life right with God cause my day could be ANY day.

my dad says we shouldnt cry for people who are saved, because we know there in Heaven sitting right next to God. its the people that are not saved we should cry for because we know where they'll end up.
I cried my last cry yesterday... && i'm done crying.
i've never ever cried so much for anyone other than myself, than i have yesterday.
i'm not gonna mourn his death anymore... he lived a good, very blessed life.
but at the end of the day God is God, && he never fails..

Tobi you'll never know how much you've impacted my life. i dont even know what to say to you...
but dont worry, i wanna see you again, i'm getting my life straight && one day we'll meet up on the courts.
lol. maybe you could show me a little something something. actually make that ALOT of something, something,
i'm gonna keep your dream alive.. && i'm gonna make sure your parents are alright.
they blame themselves you know.. but dont worry, i'll console them. theres not much i can say but i'll show them with my life. uncle michael is being strong for everyone, but your mom is taking it much harder. you should visit her. let her know that your alright. David came to school today, he seemed fine. it almost brought tears to my eyes, i know ya'll were really close. but the Ikpo's are taking it the hardest. smh, ya'll were like the 3 stooges, you should visit them too. there's not much you can say to me... God already put peace in my heart. till i see you again...

Monday, May 17, 2010

prom 2010.

i started writing my post on it yesterday.. then i got the text about Tobi && couldnt even bring myself to finish it.
i will though, it was a good experience.
i had alot of fun. you wont be able to tell cause i'm still mourning, but i really enjoyed myself.
here are some pics.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

RIP tobi oyedeji.

like what the heckkkkk.
tobi!!!!
you left us. so abruptly.
smh, you were so talented, so nice, your future was already set.
but you left us this morning.
when i found out i didnt believe it.
i couldnt, but you were so blessed and highly favored that God decided you were too good for this world.
i just cant believe your gone. 
we were cool since our C.O.P days.
you were always tall && funny looking, && your suits were always too small.
ahahha. we used to play tagged after church && run around senseless.
then your aunt married my uncle, making you my family.
i just cant cant believe it! 
i havent cried so much in a long time. i'm trying to stop because i know your better off, but guilt is in my heart.
i went to prom yesterday too. alot of crazy stuff happened.
my parents didnt even know where i was, they thought i was in austin this weekend.
my heart is real heavy right now. that couldve been me.
i could've gotten into a car wreck last night too.
you had so much ahead of you, you had soooo much ahead of you.
lord, please take care of him! i know you will. 
i remember the last time you came to my house.
probably a few years ago, && we hadnt seen each other in a long time, && you just sat in the tv room legs all sprawled out over the carpet. 
&& it was awkward at first cause we didnt know what to say to each other but when we did start talking, we couldnt stop laughing. man, you were such a cool ass dude.
then i remember when it was the Travis v. Bellaire play off game. 
&& everyone from Travis was like "Tobiii, Tobiiiiiii!" to distract you && saying "tobi you suckkkkk." lol.
i would be like "hey, not too much!! you know thats my cousin right??"
lol. then 2 weeks ago at baby esther's birthday party, i was hanging with your parents at uncle sam's house.
we we're watching the playoffs && your daddy was so into it. 
we started talking about where i'm going to next year, && then we talked about you.
i could tell in his eyes he was proud, the way he talked about you, was so overjoyed. 
man, you'll be greatly missed.
i cant stand to think of how your parents are mourning now.
you were the only child, && you left your parents all alone.
:'(( tobiiiii?? why tobi??
we were supposed to go to a&m together && you were supposed to hook me up with one of your basketball teammates. 
lol. you didnt know about that plan, but i was cooking it up.
but God is God for a reason. i know he took you to show me && everyone else how short life could be.
&& that even the most talented, blessed, "aggiebound" people could be taken way.
you will forever be in my heart TOBI, i love you.
Rest In Perfect Peace.

Friday, May 14, 2010

at dami's house...

plan in FULLLL effect.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

#idhitthat.

common.<3.

i'm so lazy.

i was supposed to finish that post later on, but i didnt feel like it.
i dont wanna dwell on negative things... somethings just have to be said though.
i'm pretty sure the people i'm referring to dont read my blog... i just like to vent.
but i'll finish it after this post.
anyway, i've been slacking on my blog. sorry.
i keep meaning to do it up, change stuff around, but i'm super lazyyyy.
i'll try to get it done this weekend.
the big weekend! plans are in motionnnnnnn!!!
ya'll dont even know! if ya'll really knew what was about to go down, you wouldnt even believe it.
ahahhaha. i'm just THAT slick.
smh, sometimes my shear genius even surprises me!
i know ya'll are dying to know what going on, but i dont wanna jinx it so i'll write about it after it happens.
but i'm super lazy so that be around tuesday. lol.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

lifeeeee.

life is life.
just ready to graduate && get the hell up outta my house.
thats basically my goal in life, to get outta my house. lol.
sad but true.
soooo, my plan is coming up.
things are put into motion, somethings working out && somethings taking its time to work out.
either way i'm SUPERRRRRRR excited && cant wait.
i'll be sure to blog about it when its over.
other than that everything is going fine.
i made amends with pappa && faggbot. (yes, IIIII did.)
lol. needless to say there is no hate in my heart.
friends are good, parents are backing up just a little bit.
&& i'm just in an all around good mood!

t-shirt line is taking off! people are impressed && respect what we're tryna do.
but WDYM is getting thrown slugs left && right by former "friends."
kayne said it best, "they'll always be haters, thats the way it is... hater niggas marry hater bitches && have hater kids."
you have a generational curse, but youuuuu can stop the cycle!!! ahahahha.
instead of throwing slugs our way, you should be using all that energy into adhancing your own line.
which is not bad itself. i dont get it....
&& it was over facebook too. like you dont got aj's number. smh.
you childish && thats why your shit will never prosper.
i'll finish this later class is over.

... i'm back. ohkay so like i was saying...
who are you??
like seriously, who the fuck do you think you are??
i'm doneeee, this is making me mad && will only lead to bad things.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

mini argument with Tear.

after 2 days of him not texting me...

me: i feel neglected.
Tear: you handle me bad.
me: how?
Tear: its okay for you not to text me but as soon as i dont text you flip out && be trippin.
me: cause you ALWAYS text me && thats just how it is. I texted you yesterday, you didnt reply. I saw you at lunch asked why you wasn't texting me... you walked off. What do you want me to do? text you until you decide you wanna talk to me?
Tear: you be giving me a stank ass attitude if i dont text you for like 2 mins. like you treat me a whole different wayy.


ahahahhaa... i'm beginning to act a little needy.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

goodnight && goodluck -Drake.

i'm backkk! (blak jesus voice- youtube it)

so last night i was apparently a mess. lol.
i got my hair done,  i dont like it.
ughhh. i went to the lady that does the twins' hair.
&& i loveee their hair cause its always styled nice && it looks SUPER natural.
like its really theirs.
not that i need weave, i just dont wanna have to keep up with my hair everyday.
but this crap dont even blend in with my hair.
i thought after i flat ironed && wrapped it, it would blend in.
ughhh. i just wasted my time && my mom's money.
first off her shop is in like katy.
my mom was pissed that i couldnt find anyone in the west to do my hair.
then, on our way there the car broke down. like wtf?!
we were stranded at a gas station && it was hot as hell.
we called my daddy to come get us. it would've been like a 45 minute drive from his work.
but that nigga 2 hours later. smh.
lol. my mom was going fed on him, saying that he cares about making money over his family.
so i get to the hair dressers, && there was these 2 like mentally slow white ladies.
they were there with this black lady so i assumed she was a caregiver.
but one of the ladies, who sat practically on my head, kept talking!!! like random useless nonsense.
&& she kept burping. like ewwww.
slow or not, they need to teach her manners.... yuckkk.
she had a veryyyy disgusting stain on her butt.
you cant even imagine how uncomfortable i was andddd she had a stench.
i was just so disgusted && irritated. this might sound mean but come on...
she wasnt like retarded or nothing, she was fully aware && was concious of her surroundings.
but anyway, they left && i was next.
i told her i wanted a partial, meaning a few tracks in the back.
she kept adding track after track. like my hair is full enough.
it was a busy day for her so she hurried up && finished with me.
it looked nice. but she said it was too long and got a razor to started cutting it.
i was, "oooh, a razorrr."
but now it looks like my ends are nappy. like wtf.
ughhh, i'm just irritated thinking about it.
my hair isnt blending into the weave && its pissing me off.
lol. i dont wanna look like johnae from the real world!!!
yeaaa, this will be my last weave. i havent had good experience with it.
i'm going back to braids.

a longgg day...

a short easy week.
i'm tired.
got my hair done today.
got some stories to tell...
but i'm tired.
its late.
i should be sleep.
my eye hurts && i'm hungry.
i'll get an apple. or maybe a mango.
everytime i eat mangos it reminds me of The Jungle Book.
i'm tiredddddd.
if you couldnt tell.
ughhhh, i have a crush.
i always crush.
prom coming up.
i'm excited.
the dressmaker keeps pushing back the day of my fitting.
i wonder if i can dock her pay...
she's getting a HEFTY chuck of change from my pocket.
man, i need to stop blabbing.
i like to get drunk...
i'm not now though. but if i could be i would be.
i'm exhausted, goodnight.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

mini photoshoot for WDYM at Travis.

www.WdClassics.com

just had a talk with my mommy.

sooooo, looks like i WONT be living at home next year!
goodstufffff!
but, i will have to come home on weekends. : /
thats better than nothing though.
now all i need to do is find an apartment/roommate.
they still refuse to get me a car... idk why though.
&& they want to throw me a graduation party.
i dont wanna let them, cause that shit is more for them not me.
but they said i could only invite my friends not adults.
as long as its before the actual graduation day, i'm straight...
so party at my house!!!

yeaaaaaaa, i'm KINDA a big deal((( ;

damn, i wish someone would have told me my eyeshadow was fuckeddd up!
ughhh.
i think its just the light, cause i never put it that high.
plus, i dont even own white eyeshadow.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

making planssss!

so the plan i have in effect.
getting my hair done saturday.
i wanna tell the rest but it might be a jinx...
&& i REALLYYYY want this to work out to just bare with me!!!
i promise i'll take lotsssss of pics!
mmk. bye.

Monday, May 3, 2010

let the drama begin.

soooo....
my mom's on her way back from the airport.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

i have a plannnn((( ;

so today's my prom...
&& ofcourse i'm not there, cause if i was i wouldnt be here.
i wanted to go, oh so bad.
but you should know how my life is by now... parents hoe'd yet again.
smh. i should've seen it coming.
everytime i put a little bit of trust in them they disappoint.
they wouldnt let me go.
to my senior prom...
i havent been to any homecoming, they said i couldnt even go to pro grad...
but prom??
thats doing ALOT!
but please, dont pity me...
in the end i kinda always get what i want.
i have a plan, && its a pretty good plan too.
i think my best one yet!
but i will not disclose the details of it until after it occurs.
GoodDay!

i like them.