Sunday, November 22, 2009

I'VE BEEN READING MY OLD DIARY.

SO ON THURSDAY I WAS DOING A MASSIVE CLEAN UP OF MY ROOM,
&& FOUND ALOT STUFF FROM MY PAST.
I FOUND MY DIARY, I'VE BEEN READING SINCE THEN.
ITS SOOO JUICY!!!
AHAHAHHA.
ITS BASICALLY JUST ME.
MY HIGHS, MY LOWS.
MY UPS && DOWNS.
I HAVENT CHANGED MUCH.
MY HANDWRITING HAS THOUGH, FROM SLOPPY WIDE PRINT TO SLANTED CURSIVE STARTING AT THE FIRST PAGE TO THE LAST.
I READ, I LAUGHED, && I CRIED.
I WAS SO HEADSTRUNG && REBELLIANT.
WELL I GUESS I STILL AM, BUT EVEN MORE SO THEN.
I WAS SOO BOY CRAZY!!
I EVEN SIGNED MY NAME "MRS. PRINCETON GRAVES" ON A FEW PAGES.
&& THEN I WAS IN MY FEMI PHASE.
OH LORD...
IT SO EMBARRASSING... THE WAY I FELT ABOUT THAT DUDE.
BUT READING IT REALLY MADE ME REALIZE HOW FOOLISH && STUPID I WAS.
ALOT OF STUFF IN THERE WAS ABOUT BOYS.
NO SURPRISE THERE...
ITS NOT LIKE I WANTED TO FEEL VALIDATED BY GUYS I JUST WAS YOUNG && DUMB.
ITS NO SECRET I'M NOT CLOSE WITH MY DAD OR MY BROTHER, I JUST WANTED SOMEONE TO PROTECT ME.
SOMEONE TO HAVE MY BACK && BEAT UP PEOPLE FOR ME.
LOL.
I GUESS I DID JUST WANT SOME MALE ATTENTION.
&& THE SAD THING IS I REALIZE THAT, I CRAVE MALE ATTENTION.
(I GUESS  THATS PARTLY THE REASON I'M A PROSTITUTE.)
BUT AWAY FROM THAT, GROWING UP I WAS REAL LONLEY.
LIKE REAL LONELY.
MY PARENTS ALWAYS KEPT ME GUARDED.
THEY STILL DO.
NEVER ALLOWED ME TO GO TO THE MOVIES WITH MY FRIENDS PARTIES OR BASICALLY ANYWHERE.
THEY STILL DONT ACTUALLY.
IF ONLY YA'LL KNEW.
IN ONE OF MY ENTRIES I WAS SAD CUZ IT WAS THE LAST DAY OF MIDDLE SCHOOL && THERE WAS GOING TO BE THIS GOING AWAY PARTY AT INCREDILE PIZZA FOR MY FRIEND WHO WAS GOING BACK TO NEW ORLEANS && ALL MY FRIENDS WERE GOING.
&& I WASNT INVITED.
I WOULDNT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GO ANYWAY.
ITS JUST THE SIMPLE FACT THAT I WASNT INVITED, THEY FIGURED I NEVER GO ANYWHERE SO WHATS THE USE OF INVITING ME...
I BLAME MY PARENTS FOR ALL MY UNHAPPINESS/PROBLEMS.
LIKE REALLY, IF YA'LL READ MY DIARY YOU'D UNDERSTAND ME FULLY.
ITS REALLY NOT MY FAULT... UGH, JUST BLAME MY PARENTS.

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